I Cannot Run and Cry at the Same Time!

It feels like there’s been a death in my family.  There hasn’t been an actual death, for that I am grateful.  Today I was laid off from my job.  Our family suffered through unemployment last February 2011 when K lost his job.  Fortunately, his unemployment was short lived but it was a rough 4 months of uncertainty and scariness.  Still struggling to get back on our feet and readjusted and today I lost my job.

Last year…when we’d say K lost his job he would comment that he didn’t lose it – he knew exactly where it was and that someone had taken it from him.  I understand the sentiment behind that today!  It feels strange saying, “I lost my job!” like I lost a pair of sunglasses or something.

I know we’re just now getting to know each other and you aren’t terribly familiar with my past but I learned a long time ago that God is in control.  It may sound cliche to say but I believe that everything happens for a reason and when God closes a door – He opens a window.  I know this because I’ve lived it.  I’ve had many struggles and uncertainties but I’ve always trusted that I would make it to the other side in a better position than what I started in!

The hardest part about losing my job today is that I’m really going to miss the people I have worked with for the past 9.6 years.  We were like family.  I looked forward to seeing them every day and sharing in their lives.  I know we can stay connected via Facebook and things like that but it’s not the same as day-in and day-out interactions.  So many of them were there when I started my running adventures and they were so supportive and encouraging.  It’s like a piece of my past is dying and I’m so very sad about that.

When K got home from work today, I was in the middle of an emotional breakdown.  So many of my friends from work were reaching out to me and saying such nice things and it just made me that much sadder.  It’s so nice to feel so loved.  It felt so strange tightening the shoelaces on my running shoes while I was sobbing.

Today I learned that I cannot cry while I run. I can walk and cry –  no problem there.  As soon as I’d break in to a run, the tears would stop.  I was thankful for the temporary pause in tears…but then started to worry that if I continue to have these crying outbreaks, I’m gonna be logging a lot more miles!

You know you’re a runner when you are laid off and still do your 1 mile run for the #RWStreakExtreme!

Ugh…this is a depressing post but it’s helped me to write it out.  Thanks for suffering through this…if you’ve made it this far, that is!

I’m looking forward to tomorrow, a new day!

This too shall pass!

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22 thoughts on “I Cannot Run and Cry at the Same Time!

  1. bestmommie says:

    I love your positive outlooks in life. Again, better things are ahead and we are all here if you need us. You are a loved lady!

  2. Melissa says:

    Not only will it pass but you will move on to bigger and better things- I have no doubt about that. You are incredibly talented with so much to offer- everything will work out xx

  3. Karrin says:

    You have much more grace and strength than I do! As I sit here reading your blog before bed, it has brought me to an ugly cry. I had held it in all day until now. Our work peeps are like family. I think I was in shock all day as I kept looking for the green light to go on next to your name. In the last year or so I have had the pleasure to get to know you more. You are a ray of light and positive vibes. You give me hope for so many things and you crack me up. I will miss our morning chats as well as our afternoon check ins, but be sure I will be Facebook stalking you to see all of the goings on in your life. Stay strong and positive and lean on the man upstairs if you start to doubt his plan! Love you tons!!!

    • We are even…you made me cry, too!!! We are like family and I hope we remain that way. I love you all so much and I’m so glad those I love the most weren’t affected today. I absolutely trust God to carry me and my family! He is good. :-). I kept thinking today, “Will she let me stay on our coupon thing…I need it now more than ever!!”. Love ya, girl. Stay happy!!!!

      • Karrin says:

        Of course you can stay on OUR coupon sense!! I would never kick you off!! We will definitely remain close. You will be on my HH invites and if that doesn’t work you and I can always go to San Tan Brewery, they let kids in and we can bring our girls 🙂 or you can come over and I will cook! (that isnt offered to many) lol love you and miss you especially this morning when I went to get my creamer 😦

  4. Aw Jac I’m so sorry to hear this! ;( nearly 10 years!…and work peeps can def become like family since we’re there for so long, lol. I’m glad running was able to help you…it’s so important to have an outlet. Just like w running and it being so much of a mental game/strength…so is this..keep that positivity and drive and confidence while you search to find your new opportunity/path in life. And PS-it’s lay to cry!! (sorry, the social worker is coming out in me, lol). Sending a virtual hug and tons of positive thoughts your way!

  5. Bean says:

    You are amazing and inspiring and only good things will come your way. I am a big believer in things happening for a reason and that reason is something bigger and better coming your way!

  6. Run Eat Play says:

    I am so sorry about your job! That’s a long time to work somewhere. It seems like you have a healthy outlook and are dealing with it the right way, though. Good luck!

  7. Oh. Just so sorry. It is something that can (and has) happened to any of us at any time in this economy and it just plain sucks. But you have such a great attitude (as others have said). I think that with your running and sense of humor will help you get through this and on to better things.

  8. elizabeth says:

    hugs!! you are right though-all in God’s hands and he has a plan. we just might not know what it is yet…and i can definitely relate on the can’t run and cry but can walk and cry thing. good for you for sticking with your streak!

  9. I’m so sorry to hear this news. We’ve been through this too with my husband, and I can definitely agree with new (sometimes better) doors opening. When we look back we are so grateful, but at the time, it really sucked! I’ll be praying for you in your job search!

  10. Amy says:

    I’m so sorry. What a not fun thing to go through. I lost my job a couple of years ago, so I definitely understand the frustration and emotion (and the embarrassment) that come with it. But, like you said, everything happens for a reason. You will come out of this stronger and happier. Sending lots of hugs your way!

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