I was watching a recorded Dateline show last night in which they were following 3 families fighting their way through unemployment. As a result, this morning I have been thinking and reflecting on what I went through this past summer.
The truth is..I really hit a low during my unemployment time, even though my unemployment turned out to be very short term, 34 days. When you’re in the middle of something like that, you don’t know how long it’s going to last. It feels like there are more questions than answers. It feels like everything in your world is on hold. It was a rough summer. J moved to Ohio and even though he’s in a safe place and has my parents helping him out, it’s still hard to let go. Then 6 weeks after he was gone, I lost my job. But even though there were some devastating situations this summer, there were also some great events; my friend C came to visit, I PR’d, and I got a job! Through it all, I was surrounded by the love and support of my husband, children, parents, my seester, family, friends, and you lovely readers. I am truly blessed.
When I was working, prior to July, I use to wish I had more time to clean the house. When I found myself unemployed and had all the time in the world, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about the mess around me. It felt as though I was living in this fog and I could hardly function. I struggled to snap out of it but the reality is..I was consumed in feeling paralyzed. It felt like all I could think about was that I didn’t have a job and I needed to find one.
They say that when a company lays you off, it isn’t personal – it’s business. I, quite honestly, don’t agree. It is personal. It was very personal to me and my family. Not only was my job taken from me but the daily interactions with great people was also gone. not to mention my benefits, discounts, vacation possibilities… While it wasn’t personal to the company, it had a very personal meaning to me.
Remember when my wonderful friends returned all the belongings that had been in my old desk? I brought the stuff home, quickly unpacked it in J’s room and avoided looking at it afterwards. Well, today I decided I would go ahead and go through the stuff. But first..I was going to pull out all my “old company” t-shirts from my closet because seeing them hurts. I’ll be looking for something to wear, come across a shirt and it’s like a knife through my heart. So I gave myself permission to donate them!
There are some great memories in those shirts but I have the pictures and don’t need the hanging reminders.
Then I decided to go ahead and go through all my “old desk” stuff to determine what I might want to take to my new desk. Don’t worry, it won’t be 4 boxes full! I think I learned my lesson!
For my birthday this year, my friend A cut out all these different pictures of rainbows and hid them in places around my desk. As I sorted through my stuff today and found all these pictures, I started to cry. I worked with some amazing people who were so loving, supportive and caring. I am blessed to have these memories. I’m definitely keeping all the rainbow pics, after all, rainbows make me happy!
I use to post positive quotes on the walls of my desk, like this one:
I struggled with my attitude during unemployment but for the most part I chose to remain positive and trusting. It was a choice I had to make from one moment to the next but I am a firm believer that you can choose what attitude you’re going to have about the situations you face in life!
I’m a huge Pirates of the Caribbean fan. First, the ride at Disneyland and then second, the movies. I’ve had this little Pirates treasure box for a few years, something I got in a Happy Meal. Over the years, at work, I gathered little treasures to stick inside.
From time to time, someone at work would get curious about the contents and I would pull them out and explain:
Pictures of my lovies, confetti from an old team decorating my desk for my birthday, guitar pics from a friend, “chips” from Vegas (every treasure chest must have “gold”), a Target and Wal Mart penny (long story surrounding that one), Mickey heads a ring D got when she was just a toddler, and a candle from a birthday cupcake. Will I take my treasure box to my new desk? Probably not but I welcome collecting treasures from my new experiences with my new co-workers.
I had a “fun” desk full of trinkets and mementos of my family and the great people I worked with. I surrounded myself with happy memories and things that made me smile. Although I may not take very many of these old treasures to my new desk, I’m happy to have the tokens as memories.
I got knocked to my butt this summer. My training went to crap. My eating habits went to crap. I felt sad. I cried a lot. My house became an even bigger disaster zone than what it normally is. I have piles of running and fitness magazines that I haven’t opened. I’ve been going through the motions and not doing much more beyond that.
But I’m making a comeback and I’m giving myself permission to take it slowly and ease in to it. I’m allowing myself to dismiss ideas of plans of things I thought I needed to do and refocusing on things that I absolutely believe I should do: take care of my family, get my house back in order, get my running routine back together, reestablish my better eating habits, and a whole bunch of other stuff.
My life has changed. My work hours are different. Our schedules and routines need to be readjusted. I’m open to the change and I’m actually excited about it. I just need to figure out how it’s going to work for the 3 of us. For example, I use to run in the afternoons after work but I don’t think that schedule is going to work for us any more. I’m not an early morning kind of person but running is important to me so I need to change my attitude about morning runs!
There are going to be some hiccups along the way but I’ll get it figured out. Trial and error, right?
Sorry for the super long post that’s not so running related, but kind of is. I just know that watching the Dateline show last night helped me and I thought that I could share some of the thoughts I’ve been having this morning and maybe it can help someone else?! You just never know who is out there reading…
How is your Saturday going?